Do you “need” a 30 shot clip to make sure you really kill that deer? If you can’t kill your prey with six shots or less you’re too incompetent a hunter to be out there blasting away in the first place.

Do you “need” a gun that is deadly at several hundred yards? Are you hunting deer or sniping at people?

Do you “need” a semi-automatic gun to shoot a deer? Are you such an incompetent hunter that you can’t kill a deer with a bolt-action or lever-action gun and only a semi-automatic weapon with a 30-shot clip will work for you?

Admit it. You want a gizmo that shoots because you like gizmos. Everything you legitimately want to do as a hunter you can do with a firearm with a ten round or less capacity and bolt-action firing times.

Gee, that poor deer might run into the woods and die slowly so as a consequence you “need” a semi-automatic weapon with a range of several hundred yards and a 30-shot clip to prevent that terrible tragedy?

Are you that completely an incompetent hunter? We’re supposed to have these weapons floating around in order to save the possible suffering of an occasional deer wounded but not killed by an incompetent hunter? That’s your justification? Save the deer?

Tell me the one about Goldilocks and the three bears.

Admit it. You want a military-style weapon with a big clip and long range because (1) it’s a cool piece of equipment and (2) you want to be ready when the “black helicopters” supporting the U.N. Army pouring over the Mexican border invades America to take away your freedom.

And “yes” we should take away your flame thowers, bazookas, .50 caliber machine guns, RPGs and semi-automatic (easily converted to full automatic) 30-shot clip military-capable weapons.

If you really just want to hunt deer, you don’t need any of those things, they are very dangerous, they are not toys, and the vast harm they cause far outweighs your supposed need to really, really, really, really make sure that poor deer, that you’re out to kill in the first place, dies immediately instead of half an hour from now.

That’s your argument? Without it the deer I’m trying to kill might suffer? Please.

— David Grace

Graduate of Stanford University & U.C. Berkeley Law School. Author of 17 novels and over 200 Medium columns on Economics, Politics, Law, Humor & Satire.

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