I thought your piece might be satirical fiction but then you drifted off into actual reporting. I understand that you used a special device to read Ryan’s mind while he was babbling other nonsense out loud, but I have to say that you were a bit too accurate instead of simply making up some extra-funny stuff.
BTW, have you thought about putting your mind-reading gizmo into limited production? Maybe someone could use it on Bill Cosby as he contemplates the members of his next jury. — David Grace