The Democratic Debate: A Political Version Of The Gong Show?

By David Grace (

You know the old line: “The map is not the territory.” Well, it applies to people too.

I looked at Mike Bloomberg’s record, his qualifications, his intellect, his ability to self-finance, his politics — the map if you will — and said, “This is the guy to beat Mr. Snake.”

Then, he got up on that stage and collapsed like an empty plastic water bottle on a barbecue.

He apparently had zero preparation, zero understanding of the questions he was certain to be asked, and zero willingness or ability to fight back.

The plane crashed.

The Bloomberg map is not the Bloomberg territory.

Now what?

A recent poll reported that 20% of voters would not vote for a gay candidate for President.

If 20% admitted that then the real number is at least 30%. That means that of the 10% in the middle who will decide this election there will only be, at most, 7% really up for grabs with 3% either staying home or voting for Mr. Snake.

No one can get elected if 30% of the general electorate will not vote for them.

Amy K? She sort of collapsed too.

When she got pushed about forgetting a name she looked frightened and frail. I’m not going to trust her to be tough enough to win the campaign against a guy like Mr. Snake, leastwise actually run the country in these dangerous times with Putin on one side and the fierce Republican ideologues in Congress on the other.

Yes, she is certainly a nice, intelligent person. Too nice I think. This is the majors and when we see her melt under just a little, reasonably polite, pressure from Mayor Pete it seems pretty clear that she’s not ready for Prime Time.

Uncle Joe? Sorry, but he does not inspire any confidence in me. At all.

I feel as if he’s like a bear riding a bicycle — he’s going along OK for the most part, then he wobbles, corrects, wobbles some more, almost falls over, then seems to be OK again, but you know, you just know, that at any moment he’s on the verge of a spectacular crash, that he’s going to emotionally or intellectually cosmically melt down sooner or later. We just don’t know when.

Bernie? The 10% in the middle who will decide this election will not elect a socialist. He will run a glorious campaign. The students will all clamor for him. Then if it rains on election day they will all stay home posting pictures of their pizza on Instagram right after it’s been delivered by Door Dash. “Election? Oh, yeah, but my vote won’t make any difference and, besides, I might get wet.”


Strange as it may sound, I have to say that I’m liking Elizabeth Warren more and more. She’s tough and smart and she’s not an admitted socialist. Maybe she could put Uncle Joe on the ticket and give the campaign the title:

“Mr. Vice President, Chapter Two — He’s Back!”

I really like Tom Steyer, though he looks like the assistant manager at your local Burger King in charge of chaperoning the dopers on the night shift.

Sorry, but when I see him it makes me think of the high-school football team all suited up and ready to go out there and smash ’em with an excited Tom trailing behind carrying an armload of towels. That’s not fair, I know. I actually think Tom S. would make the best President of all of them.

If I could wave a magic wand and put one of the Dem candidates into the White House, it would be Tom Steyer, maybe with Elizabeth Warren or Amy K for VP. But, damn it, Tom just doesn’t look or sound like he could be the leader of the Free World.

If only the brainiacs had perfected that brain transplant thing and we could slip Tom’s brain into Leonardo DiCaprio’s body, then we’d really have something. Or maybe we could just get Leo to jump into the race himself. Now, that’s not such a bad idea.

But will the Dems listen to my brilliant analysis? Will they do what I tell them? I fear that they may not. The fools!

I keep remembering how skeptical I was that Hillary would win last time around, and we all know how well that turned out — for Mr. Snake!

Oh, crap. I have a very bad feeling about this flight and here I am without a seat belt. Or a map.

— David Grace (

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Graduate of Stanford University & U.C. Berkeley Law School. Author of 16 novels and over 400 Medium columns on Economics, Politics, Law, Humor & Satire.

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David Grace

David Grace

Graduate of Stanford University & U.C. Berkeley Law School. Author of 16 novels and over 400 Medium columns on Economics, Politics, Law, Humor & Satire.

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